Yes, I Actually Read It

OK, I'm gonna come right out and say it.

I read Fifty Shades of Grey.

No, wait--I read and actually finished Fifty Shades of Grey. 

...And the two books after that. Whut? 

Take that silver silk necktie and hang me now.

Your honor, I had my reasons for reading it: 1) A friend insisted that I read it for the, um, sexy time. (Er, hi mom.) Said friend shall remain anonymous. 2) I figured it was unfair of me to bash something I haven't actually read. 3) It was lying around the office!

And my reasons for finishing all three of them? 

I plead insanity.

Yes, the writing was atrocious. It's essentially Twilight for the desperate housewife. (Read this hilarious post called "How Twilight Works" by The Oatmeal, replace "Twilight" with "Fifty Shades of Grey," "Edward" with "Christian Grey," and "vampire" with "billionaire with a BDSM fetish," and you'll pretty much get the gist.) But I think the reason it's crazy successful is because it taps into most women's ultimate fantasy: being pursued by a ridiculously rich, ridiculously handsome man who needs to be "fixed." The author may not know good writing, but she sure knows women.

I was texting unnamed-friend-who-recommended-it as I struggled through the first couple of chapters, wanting to gouge my eyes out after reading "sandstone" too many times in three pages (YES, I GET IT, THE PLACE HAD SANDSTONE FLOORS), but I was eventually sucked in. And just when you think one book is all you could take, you realize (and want to kick yourself for it) that you kind of do want to find out what happens next, even if what happens next isn't told in the most masterful fashion. And even if the lead character gets progressively more annoying in each book!

So. That's my big confession. If there's anything fantastic about the books, it's that women have reported feeling more amorous towards their husbands after reading it. 

Said women shall also remain anonymous.

P.S. I have no idea how this book will be turned into a movie. Unless the movie has three x's in it.